I’d love to know where these angry feminists are. You know, the ones that you deny any relation to, the ones that men fear. I’m starting to wonder if they even exist, or if they are no more than boogie-men of the conservative imagination.
Look up the stereotype. Google “angry feminist.”
The most extreme feminist I ever met didn’t believe in shaving and identified as trans. H* is a vegan eco-feminist, who fights for all oppressed beings. H is the most extreme feminist I know, and yet, H has never once became the angry feminist stereotype, no matter how much I inadvertently annoyed her.
I suppose that I could be considered an angry feminist, given my penchant for feminist speeches, or my inability to see past the sexism in a commercial. Or my addiction to reading feminist blogs, where the women speak out, uncensored. But I don’t hate men. I’m a cis-bodied straight white female, who is interested in getting married and raising a family. I love working with men, I love being friends with men; I just happen to be a warrior against the patriarchy.
But even I defer from the “angry feminist” label. I still shave my legs and my armpits, hating myself and the process as I do. I shy away from using the word patriarchy, and I try to preface my feminist beliefs with examples, so that my cis, able-bodied, white male friends will listen.
Instead, they criticize my technique, saying that I don’t get to the point quickly enough. It is another variant of the tone argument. These boys can play Starcraft for hours on end, build robots from scratch, and can deconstruct all of the current political speeches, but they cannot listen to a three minute explanation of why something broke sexist norms or expectations.
We eschew the angry feminist label, as if we can make our opinions more legitimate and more palatable to outsiders. As if distancing ourselves from the mythical demon makes us a more reliable source.
Instead, the very presence of a mythical “angry feminist,” serves to discredit all of us, even the most mild-mannered of us. The presence of a mythical “angry feminist” forces us to distance feminists from anger, forces us to hold our tongues, forces us to be polite to the men who insist that we have achieved equality, that the real reason for pay discrimination is that women’s childcare interferes with the quality of their work.
The mythical “angry feminist” teaches us that no matter how furious we are, that no matter how wrong the injustice we are fighting, no matter how abhorrent the rape joke or rape apologist is, we still cannot be angry.
Cloaked in the language of power, we avoid anger at all costs. We believe that if we remain rational, if we remain calm and devoid of emotion, then we will be taken seriously. That our words will matter. If we scream and shout, pounding our fists to the ground, we will be dismissed as hysterical, or asked the ever insightful, “Are you on the rag?” As if women don’t have legitimate reasons to be upset.
If we scream and shout, we become the irrational “angry feminist” the thing to be avoided, feared and made the subject of endless jokes. If we scream and we shout, nobody will take us seriously. But even if we speak calmly, devoid of emotion, presenting the facts, does it make a difference?
On days like today, when I’ve just finished listing all of the latest news in the War on Women, I wonder if it makes any difference if I present Paul Ryan and the GOP and their supporters with a detailed list of facts, statistics, and scholarly research on rape and pregnancy. The information has been presented, taught, explained to them again and again and again and again. And still they don’t hear us.
If everyone is deaf, it doesn’t matter if you scream for help or ask nicely.